Any day now Paddy expects me to send him an autographed copy of my book. The book—a novella actually—is brilliantly titled An Asshole Among Us. It details the story of Paddy’s Prince Charming-like entrance into my life and the uncharacteristic bonds he made with my wily children; there is a long, slow middle (I only skimmed this part); and a surprise twist in which Paddy not only dumps me on my birthday, but from the great heights of vanity responds to my claim that we will miss him by saying, without the slightest trace of irony, “I know.” The brief epilogue that follows provides a glimpse into my subsequent fun with Xanax, and is perhaps suggestive of a sequel.

So BAM! There is the book.

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