two pairs

So right then, you decide not to call anymore. Why waste your time? She’s no one, dude. You’ve only been hanging out with her for old times’ sake. (What was that bullshit when she asked why everyone else from back then deserted you?) You slam the front door and hoist your weight off the ground […]

how to write a happy ending

[a follow-up to the previous post, with the legs, i hope, to stand on its own] Utter darkness. And a foreboding awareness. I stand and wait for his approach. I can sense his movements as if he were a twin I never had. And when he is in range, I thrust an invisible knee at […]

thirteen and the ways to know me

because. because. because. because the momentum was there. and so was the alcohol. and so was the sense of complete despair and the conviction that nothing made a wrench of a difference, anyway. i don’t remember those days much anymore. but when we first started hanging out again, it all came stampeding back to me […]


It turns out that he is, authentically, a large man. This is validating, because for a while there I thought it was just my imagination that made him so. But no, he really is. I found this out because I gave him a shirt in size L and he said, “It won’t fit.” And I […]

don’t touch me

There are, I believe, two diametrically opposed elements that narrate our desire to keep coming back to each other. One is our not even remotely knowing each other. And the other is knowing each other so completely. He’s allowed one overnight visit every four to six weeks. Today he showed up after an absence of […]


“I’ll never spend the night,” she told you from the beginning. “I’d avoid making commitments to never, if I were you.” That was two or three months ago. Now she sits on the edge of your bed, putting on her stockings, talking nonstop about matters of zero consequence. An attempt to smooth over the fact that […]

page 54

The first time you put her in the shower is the first time you make a mistake. Are you crying?” you ask her, afterwards. She sits opposite you on the wide shower floor, head draped between open knees, and doesn’t answer. The ends of her long hair sway in the rising swell formed by her blocking […]


When your father is a professional gambler, you learn from a young age to disassociate from people and regard them as nothing more than the sum of their tells. This can be a very lonely world for you, especially as a child. But it’s no harder than you allow it to be. As far as […]