just for you

her favorite part—one of her favorite parts—is landing on his bedroom floor in a crouch, the window on the night still open behind her. developing this character might be her greatest achievement yet. she’s reached this weird stage in life where breaking into a man’s home is her new form of courtship. it’s difficult to say exactly how […]

on being ebullient

Just as visiting Paris as an adult sprung her fifteen-year-old self, meeting him as a full-blown woman springs someone even younger. “You foolish little girl,” he chides her, on occasion, which fosters this rejuvenescence even further, and sends her back to a time when, like now, he played the role of her shepherd. ~ “This […]

on unlearning

I don’t plan to cry when he leaves—that’s not the girl I am at all—but it sneaks up on me when I put my head down in the crook of his neck. His shirt is so soft and it strikes me hard and fast that no one is going to be here to tuck me […]

it can always start over

So we move to a large and isolated house, with marble floors that are cold on my bare feet, and life starts over again. If there is one aspect of my story of which I am certain, it is this: It can always start over. I don’t know how to talk about the life I’m […]

turning the page

Tonight I go to this sweet little dive bar to see Noah read from his new book. I’m having trouble assembling the right outfit, but in the end go with a fitted grey trench coat and fedora with an attention-grabbing fuchsia stripe. It’s raining, for one thing, but more importantly, I’m a wee bit undercover. […]

the hospital room

  I went so long without seeing him. Forever really. Long enough, I speculated, for us to become two entirely different people, and unrecognizable. But there he is, when I enter, sitting up in bed with his reading glasses on, hospital gown backwards, chest exposed, and looking just as erudite and handsome and savage as […]

On Loving Melancholy

I am with Melancholy today. I haven’t spent much time with Melancholy lately, but that isn’t to say we’re strangers. We used to hang out a lot, in fact. Anyway, today we’re bedfellows. Today we’re tucked under a high pile of blankets with the shades drawn and a mess of clothes and books on the […]