the hospital room

  I went so long without seeing him. Forever really. Long enough, I speculated, for us to become two entirely different people, and unrecognizable. But there he is, when I enter, sitting up in bed with his reading glasses on, hospital gown backwards, chest exposed, and looking just as erudite and handsome and savage as […]

how we live

I’m so tired sometimes, like I’ve seen it all, lived it all, before. Twice. Maybe three times. And I’ve always been one to just drift with the current, I think, as it has never made much sense to put so terribly much effort into trying to build something, trying to control the result, while intimately […]

show me who you are

This summer, I take Lovey and Django on a three-day car trip across four states. A sixteen-year-old boy, now an equal part of our eclectic family, also joins. Somehow, it’s in this spinning of wheels and endless road that I have historically seen my kids the most. They unwind for me. Show me who you are, I silently invite. My heart […]

narcosis

. are you feeling this night and me in it breathing its rain air as you dream, wide-awake of vacating your boyhood home . to trespass as man my body . which sleeps, even now quiescent, tranquilly coiled in wind’s savage embrace? .

taken

My son has his high school orientation this week. We arrive early, so I steer us to a row of side seats in the far back where I can monitor the influx of people. It’s my job as a good mother to suss out the scene and liberally narrate my findings for Django’s benefit. So I’m busy calculating […]

debbie

The first day of 8th grade, Debbie and I make bets on who will lose her virginity. By choice, I mean, as opposed to the way we’ve had it. That weekend, I pass out at a party and when I come to I’m in the bathroom being fun-dipped by this older guy while my boyfriend pounds on […]

helium

  Django and Lovey are thirteen now and smarter and just overall better than I was at their age. This week we go to a haunted hotel and spend a night together there. We luck out and there’s even a terrifying thunderstorm. It grows dark and ominous, and the rain pounds hard against the window […]

the deacon’s bench

It is mother’s day and I am maybe 12 or 13 or it doesn’t matter because one day it will all flow together and become indistinguishable anyway, and she has decided that I will be accompanying her to church. In the years leading up to this point, my father was still alive and the notions of my […]

off-ramp, seven

Now that we are at the boarding house Sunny is a not-Sunny. He leaves often and never takes me and pre-dawn comes back to a heavy sleep from which he can’t be woken. “Who are you?” I whisper to his hulking form when I am sure it has reached its slumberdepths. “Tell me what you […]

lovey, the teen-aged queen

Lovey turns 13 today. For those of you who don’t know who Lovey is, shame on you. You clearly have not been paying enough attention to me or going over the details of my life with the fine tooth comb I provided in the form of a blog. Fine. Let’s review: Who is Lovey? Is she […]