narcosis

. are you feeling this night and me in it breathing its rain air as you dream, wide-awake of vacating your boyhood home . to trespass as man my body . which sleeps, even now quiescent, tranquilly coiled in wind’s savage embrace? .

shadow box

I don’t wonder what he is to me. Nor what I am to him. It’s glaringly obvious that I am a fantasy object that he believes would make his life complete, and absolutely wouldn’t. Elusive happiness, and one’s rabid attempt to find it. Nonetheless, I’m lured by the storyline he’s created for us. Not as […]

the photojournalist

gives me his address and tells me to stop by. says he wants to read to me. yes, read to me. so i do. and he does. among other things. but then he starts in on the questions. he wants to know about my friends, who they are, what they’re like. “you don’t know them,” […]

closer to the truth

Two years ago, at about this time of year, Paddy flew me down to meet his parents. I mostly ignored the implications, and when his father told me it was nice to meet his son’s girlfriend, I replied, “Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m his girlfriend, exactly.” And Paddy fervently backed me up on that one. Still, […]

the photojournalist

Regardless of whether or not he’s aware of it, I know already that the photojournalist and I are involved in a dynamic that is larger than either of us, the purpose of which I have yet to fully comprehend. Outwardly, we seem caught in a competition to see which of us can be more. The […]

sometimes

You know, sometimes happiness is just so damn elusive. Sometimes life is just hard and the people you want to believe in betray you. Sometimes they go crazy, disown you, fucking die. Sometimes your heart breaks. (A lot of the time your heart breaks.) Sometimes you go on medication. Numb that shit out. Sometimes, days […]

because my soul wants to overflow

Sometimes (all the time) I get scared that men will want something from me. Something heavier, more hidden, than my attention, my time. Something that will require I give an explanation. Even when I have nothing to say. Sometimes (all the time), I believe this. You either get me or you don’t. “But all I […]

u gotta thing for calebs

Every ten years or so I get a Caleb in my life. They’re always younger but somehow more experienced than I am; they’re always sillier on the outside but sadder on the inside; they’re always some exciting blend of swagger and walking disaster; and they’re always completely unapologetic about who they are and what they’re […]

one for kenny

I can’t remember with any real clarity why I consented to a date with Kenny. There was something stupidly sexy about his wearing his Ray-Bans in the Four Seasons Hotel bar. And practically irresistible about the way he scowled when I, a stranger, liberally gave him shit about it. I’m big on giving shit to men […]

manless january

So I’m six days into my month-long commitment to steer clear of sexy men when Chief reaches out via Skype. “A whole month?” he teases. “How you gonna make it?” “I don’t know,” I tell him. “The chastity belt should help.” Chief is in the military. Once lived on a submarine for four years. Four […]