show me who you are

This summer, I take Lovey and Django on a three-day car trip across four states. A sixteen-year-old boy, now an equal part of our eclectic family, also joins. Somehow, it’s in this spinning of wheels and endless road that I have historically seen my kids the most. They unwind for me. Show me who you are, I silently invite. My heart […]

tagging the surgeon

So the surgeon suggests, three consecutive times, that we go out. Like on a date, I guess. I have a fondness for the surgeon because, despite having my number, he only ever corresponds with me occasionally. This is a good quality in a man, if you’re me. So he’s got that going for him. But I […]

manless january, the return

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” -Oscar Wilde So I forgot to tell you about Manless January, which is a holiday I invented last year to save my own life. This year, Manless January acted more as a preventative. […]

struck

are we in this together or is the experience my own? she thought to ask, but didn’t aware that the answer would arrive   all by itself, as answers do when the mind goes quiet, and so far away   life is beautiful, he wanted her to know before he broke into her skull casting light on heretofore […]

absentee demons

I’m having another episode. I’m never sure what to do when this happens, and at first I tend to respond by thrashing wildly. Grasping at nearby surfaces as I plummet, only to watch them loosen and break too. Far better once I recognize the hopelessness of struggle, as at least I can leave off bringing […]

it’s not endless

I don’t even work for the client anymore, and I almost feel like punching myself in the face that I have another post about him, but I do. I promised myself I wouldn’t go up there anymore. He asked me to marry him. Did I tell you that? I know I didn’t, because at the […]

wake me up if you wake up

There is something that I have to tell you now. Something I’ve been trying to avoid. But that isn’t going away. My sister is dying of cancer. I was told this by a mother with whom I am not otherwise in contact. Which used to be her choice. And now is mine. There are those who […]

anyone

              why are you already a home to me   and why was walking in on you, asleep on the couch to the left like walking through a dream i’d had as a child of the woman I would one day become   the taste and smell of your breath […]

upheave me

You know that thing where you feel like you can’t breathe properly and you wake up in the middle of every night in a crippling state of inexplicable terror and your now raw and tender body becomes allergic to itself? Yeah. Well, so, that’s been happening. Not cool. Back against the wall, this time I’m […]

because my soul wants to overflow

Sometimes (all the time) I get scared that men will want something from me. Something heavier, more hidden, than my attention, my time. Something that will require I give an explanation. Even when I have nothing to say. Sometimes (all the time), I believe this. You either get me or you don’t. “But all I […]