Tonight I go to this sweet little dive bar to see Noah read from his new book. I’m having trouble assembling the right outfit, but in the end go with a fitted grey trench coat and fedora with an attention-grabbing fuchsia stripe. It’s raining, for one thing, but more importantly, I’m a wee bit undercover. […]
A few years ago my heart broke for the final time. Being a reckless, passionate, and melodramatic woman, it never occurred to me that a heart can only be broken x number of times before it’s just done being broken ever again. Had I known there were a quota, I like to think I would have […]
“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” -Oscar Wilde So I forgot to tell you about Manless January, which is a holiday I invented last year to save my own life. This year, Manless January acted more as a preventative. […]
I’ve made a mistake with the photojournalist that I can’t begin to understand. And after I leave his house this morning I call my brother, who doesn’t answer, then my ex, and almost start to cry. In calling, I think I just want to hear the voice of someone who knows me, who will help […]
why are you already a home to me and why was walking in on you, asleep on the couch to the left like walking through a dream i’d had as a child of the woman I would one day become the taste and smell of your breath […]
Caleb and you spend long afternoons in your bedroom waiting for spring. He sleeps with his strong arm thrown over you and you yourself never sleep but steady your breathing enough to convince him that you do. Without knowing why, you like this foolery, this deception. It makes you happy. You try to keep this […]
You know, sometimes happiness is just so damn elusive. Sometimes life is just hard and the people you want to believe in betray you. Sometimes they go crazy, disown you, fucking die. Sometimes your heart breaks. (A lot of the time your heart breaks.) Sometimes you go on medication. Numb that shit out. Sometimes, days […]
Every ten years or so I get a Caleb in my life. They’re always younger but somehow more experienced than I am; they’re always sillier on the outside but sadder on the inside; they’re always some exciting blend of swagger and walking disaster; and they’re always completely unapologetic about who they are and what they’re […]
Andrew also works for one of my clients; my arrival occasionally overlaps with his departure. One Tuesday about a month ago, that client made the privileged choice not to show up at his own office. Andrew waited behind to tell me. “You didn’t have to do that,” I tell him. “I would have caught on.” […]
So I’m six days into my month-long commitment to steer clear of sexy men when Chief reaches out via Skype. “A whole month?” he teases. “How you gonna make it?” “I don’t know,” I tell him. “The chastity belt should help.” Chief is in the military. Once lived on a submarine for four years. Four […]
my delusions 