fortnight

So my son and I, in keeping with things we do best, check ourselves into a hotel, and tonight, muscles all a-spasm from the scaling of a 14,265 foot peak at dawn, break into the spa and fold back the cover of the small, salt-water pool. “Um, are we supposed to be here?” my son […]

what i’m doing anymore

I got like all cut up again, like inside, a few weeks ago. All this many recovering days later, the blood still trickles out of me, when it wants. Reminding me that it happened. But I don’t recognize it anymore as belonging to me. I’m detached from all the private betrayals. Using up what I still […]

indelible ink

I finally reached my sister’s hospital room on the night of Christmas Eve, in the year that I was 24, she 28. Her head was a swollen mess of bruises and stitches and blood and hair. I’d caught a ride with a stranger to find the girl I’d loved for all these awful years so close to gone that […]

wake me up if you wake up

There is something that I have to tell you now. Something I’ve been trying to avoid. But that isn’t going away. My sister is dying of cancer. I was told this by a mother with whom I am not otherwise in contact. Which used to be her choice. And now is mine. There are those who […]

upheave me

You know that thing where you feel like you can’t breathe properly and you wake up in the middle of every night in a crippling state of inexplicable terror and your now raw and tender body becomes allergic to itself? Yeah. Well, so, that’s been happening. Not cool. Back against the wall, this time I’m […]

when your mind is wild and your body is still

Caleb and you spend long afternoons in your bedroom waiting for spring. He sleeps with his strong arm thrown over you and you yourself never sleep but steady your breathing enough to convince him that you do. Without knowing why, you like this foolery, this deception. It makes you happy. You try to keep this […]

u gotta thing for calebs

Every ten years or so I get a Caleb in my life. They’re always younger but somehow more experienced than I am; they’re always sillier on the outside but sadder on the inside; they’re always some exciting blend of swagger and walking disaster; and they’re always completely unapologetic about who they are and what they’re […]

holding back

Very early on, I noticed how one side of Bruno’s mouth would draw up in a sneer when he wasn’t paying attention. For all of his carefully manicured self-possession, this was, at first, the only tell to his unrefined character. It was for the rest of that character to show up that I waited. “He’s […]

the currents that run through me

mostly because it’s so cold out, and the only color is grey, and i don’t want to be here. “c’mon, woman. time to get up,” he says, gently spanking me. the subsequent sounds as pulls on his pants, zips up his fly, fastens his belt. i’m curled around my own torso, snuggled too deep beneath. […]

you were supposed to be happy

I’ve gone off the meds, so one way or another, we’re in for an adventure. As is true of most of my affairs, this decision was made with a dedicated lack of forethought. One day, a woman who was supposed to go to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription simply didn’t go. And by the […]