limitless

It’s because she is young, epically speaking. Or at least not dead, anyway. Also because the phenomenal display of life feels really a performance, her performance. And she figures her performance may as well delight. Also because none of it seems to carry with it the quality of being quite real. She can’t track when or how […]

just a glimpse

“Last week you were bored with us. I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before.” She laughed out loud. It was cute. It was true that the general populace hung on his every word. And when she’d gone to watch him speak publicly even she’d gotten a stage crush on him. He actually was […]

what i’m doing anymore

I got like all cut up again, like inside, a few weeks ago. All this many recovering days later, the blood still trickles out of me, when it wants. Reminding me that it happened. But I don’t recognize it anymore as belonging to me. I’m detached from all the private betrayals. Using up what I still […]

rock garden

Shortly after Mum threw the hammer at my little brother, I was finally awarded custody of him. It was a mixed blessing. Tripp, at 14, and I, at 24, were both relieved to have finally escaped Mum’s reach. But Tripp was already suffering from damage that would take far more than my custody of him to […]

how she loved him

While it’s true that Dad dying changed her life changed irrevocably, there was, long before that, the irrevocable changing of life anyway. It’s only now, in reaching an age he never attained, that she recognizes how simultaneously insubstantial and grandiose his existence. Insubstantial because of its disjointed structure. Brevity. Lacking the development of even one simple character […]

absentee demons

I’m having another episode. I’m never sure what to do when this happens, and at first I tend to respond by thrashing wildly. Grasping at nearby surfaces as I plummet, only to watch them loosen and break too. Far better once I recognize the hopelessness of struggle, as at least I can leave off bringing […]

you were supposed to be happy

I’ve gone off the meds, so one way or another, we’re in for an adventure. As is true of most of my affairs, this decision was made with a dedicated lack of forethought. One day, a woman who was supposed to go to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription simply didn’t go. And by the […]