It’s been forever since I’ve written anything, and now I have this desire to sum up particular aspects of the last couple years of my life and get on with it. Though perhaps not without proving I learned some things first. I certainly can’t allow myself years that meant nothing. In that vein, my first […]
So Hyde rescued me. Life got confusing, too big, too difficult to navigate. My mind’s graffiti art became dizzying, no longer lovely in its overlap. I spent overheated days trying to differentiate the once-valuable tags from each other, then took a sledgehammer to the entire structure, demolition-style, before it had a chance to collapse on its own. And oddly, […]
A few years ago my heart broke for the final time. Being a reckless, passionate, and melodramatic woman, it never occurred to me that a heart can only be broken x number of times before it’s just done being broken ever again. Had I known there were a quota, I like to think I would have […]
You don’t know why you dream about the writer. Seems like probably just because you fell asleep reading My Struggle. But there’s a lot going on in the dream, and it feels significant in the way that some dreams do. Not in their storylines, perhaps, nor their imagery, their host of characters. But rather in waking up […]
I’m having another episode. I’m never sure what to do when this happens, and at first I tend to respond by thrashing wildly. Grasping at nearby surfaces as I plummet, only to watch them loosen and break too. Far better once I recognize the hopelessness of struggle, as at least I can leave off bringing […]
I don’t even work for the client anymore, and I almost feel like punching myself in the face that I have another post about him, but I do. I promised myself I wouldn’t go up there anymore. He asked me to marry him. Did I tell you that? I know I didn’t, because at the […]
Django and Lovey are thirteen now and smarter and just overall better than I was at their age. This week we go to a haunted hotel and spend a night together there. We luck out and there’s even a terrifying thunderstorm. It grows dark and ominous, and the rain pounds hard against the window […]
You know that thing where you feel like you can’t breathe properly and you wake up in the middle of every night in a crippling state of inexplicable terror and your now raw and tender body becomes allergic to itself? Yeah. Well, so, that’s been happening. Not cool. Back against the wall, this time I’m […]
Every ten years or so I get a Caleb in my life. They’re always younger but somehow more experienced than I am; they’re always sillier on the outside but sadder on the inside; they’re always some exciting blend of swagger and walking disaster; and they’re always completely unapologetic about who they are and what they’re […]
I can’t remember with any real clarity why I consented to a date with Kenny. There was something stupidly sexy about his wearing his Ray-Bans in the Four Seasons Hotel bar. And practically irresistible about the way he scowled when I, a stranger, liberally gave him shit about it. I’m big on giving shit to men […]
my delusions 