rock garden

Shortly after Mum threw the hammer at my little brother, I was finally awarded custody of him. It was a mixed blessing. Tripp, at 14, and I, at 24, were both relieved to have finally escaped Mum’s reach. But Tripp was already suffering from damage that would take far more than my custody of him to […]

resemblance

Somehow, my son finds a picture of my mum this week. It’s all such a long story, and it never really stops. Despite the fact that I shed people regularly, the way a snake sheds its skin. “You look just like her!” Django tells me, that laughter in his voice when he knows he’s found […]

the beauty of being where you are

Last night was the Halloween on which my son announced it would be his final year trick-or-treating. I looked at his beautiful face. He’s developing the chiseled features he’s going to have as a man. And I’ve taken to sometimes wearing even higher heels in order to still be able to out-height him. “Your last year trick-or-treating,” […]

absentee demons

I’m having another episode. I’m never sure what to do when this happens, and at first I tend to respond by thrashing wildly. Grasping at nearby surfaces as I plummet, only to watch them loosen and break too. Far better once I recognize the hopelessness of struggle, as at least I can leave off bringing […]

helium

  Django and Lovey are thirteen now and smarter and just overall better than I was at their age. This week we go to a haunted hotel and spend a night together there. We luck out and there’s even a terrifying thunderstorm. It grows dark and ominous, and the rain pounds hard against the window […]

keeping pace

Sometimes I wonder if the way I love Django is the same way other moms love their sons. Only because it feels so much different. Or maybe it feels the same, but in a dark side of the moon way. A few weeks before Django was born, his paternal grandfather called me from Chicago. “I’m just […]

holding back

Very early on, I noticed how one side of Bruno’s mouth would draw up in a sneer when he wasn’t paying attention. For all of his carefully manicured self-possession, this was, at first, the only tell to his unrefined character. It was for the rest of that character to show up that I waited. “He’s […]

thanksgiving with the ex

For Thanksgiving, Django and I are going on a little trip to see his dad’s side of the family. Despite my trying to wriggle out of it, (“This might just make everyone uncomfortable. Maybe it’s time we grow out of this. We’re really fine on our own.”), it’s still going to happen. I’m more or […]

you’re my only hope

My friend Chloe is a yogini. Aside from being lovely and flexible and hypnotizing me with her long, graceful arms when she wears those billowy-sleeve blouses, this also means she’s all spiritual and stuff. (They’re probably hemp. The blouses. I’m not trying to be catty, but they probably are.) Chloe is married to Ken, who is either […]

lovey, the teen-aged queen

Lovey turns 13 today. For those of you who don’t know who Lovey is, shame on you. You clearly have not been paying enough attention to me or going over the details of my life with the fine tooth comb I provided in the form of a blog. Fine. Let’s review: Who is Lovey? Is she […]