holy shit balls

Something that you might not know about me is that I am a very spiritual being. Whoops. That’s completely untrue. What I meant was, I am very sought-after, spiritually. I think I must have a certain FUCKING SAVE ME! air about me.┬áMany religions seem to consider my soul an object of intense desire, and I […]

the men i like

I like it when a man winks at me. I like it when a man catches me off guard. I like it when a man dangles a toothpick from the side of his mouth. Even better? A wooden match. I like it when a man makes me laugh. Hard. At him. I like it when […]


I have a confession to make. Remember how last night you called, and I told you I was sick, and you offered to bring Indian food? Remember how I said no? Well, I wasn’t really that sick. And I ordered the Indian food anyway. And 30 minutes later when I went to pick it up, […]


Every now and then, out of the clear blue, I lose belief in my ability to maintain my composure. Like today, I am in Whole Foods. Totally normal. It is my neighborhood store and I am easily there once a day. What’s the problem, right? I’ve got this one. No. Because today, for absolutely no […]