It’s because she is young, epically speaking. Or at least not dead, anyway. Also because the phenomenal display of life feels really a performance, her performance. And she figures her performance may as well delight. Also because none of it seems to carry with it the quality of being quite real. She can’t track when or how […]
I’m not entirely sure what to call this one. The one that stays. That one that gets real with me, manages me, takes care of me. The one that creates a huge, safe playground for me to … well, fuck, for me to just to be me, really. I’ve had a lot of things, but I’ve […]
It is a long weekend and Delilah and her son, Django, are invited to go camping with some other families they loosely know. Delilah wonders at this, only insofar as she recognizes the signs of being taken under the wing of more established others. It is not exclusive to her life with Django, but rather a […]
The night that her stepfather bashed in her mum’s face, Delilah learned more about Ann Catherine than she did during the rest of their seventeen years together. Domestic violence is not always what you’d expect. And Delilah’s memory of sitting with her mum, staring at her colorful, swollen face, is oddly a sweet one. Husband […]
Things aren’t precisely okay with Steve anymore. I’m not sure how to explain it. Somehow, behind my back, my relationship with Steve has gone from being a super cute my-boss-is-my-surrogate-father sketch to a slippery conflagration of our combined manias. Upon reflection, Steve was smart. He took things very slowly. He romanced me for weeks with […]
I’ve gone off the meds, so one way or another, we’re in for an adventure. As is true of most of my affairs, this decision was made with a dedicated lack of forethought. One day, a woman who was supposed to go to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription simply didn’t go. And by the […]
I met Sebastian in a summer writing program to which I’d applied as a result of feeling lost again (my standing motivation, it seems, for anything). I hadn’t really expected to get in. “Why do we write?” we were asked, the first day. I found the question generic, and I leaned forward at the table […]
I was in Montana the night we lost my sister. But I was on my way home, too. What? I was. Montana was a bust. Like Brazil before it. But different, I suppose. Montana was a bust in an I-accidentally-moved-in-with-a-male-stripper-who-gets-into-knife-fights kind of way. Whereas with Brazil I had simply underestimated the impact of the third […]
Something that you might not know about me is that I am a very spiritual being. Whoops. That’s completely untrue. What I meant was, I am very sought-after, spiritually. I think I must have a certain FUCKING SAVE ME! air about me. Many religions seem to consider my soul an object of intense desire, and I […]
On my way back from the carnival lot on its last night, I stop by the baseball diamond to say goodbye to Billy. He’s up to bat and I watch him strike out. He ignores me when I stand behind him, the metal fence between us. I see his good Christian parents up in the […]
my delusions 